It started with 9/11

tower_explosion_Yes it was indeed that particular September 11 of 2001 that started me on my road of, how can I phrase it, the way out of the mainline, out of of the acceptable discourse between the right and the left and the somewhere middle in between.
Although you wouldn’t see it from the outside, but inside me I’m not there any more, there in the comfortable place that used to tell me that the world is basically alright as it is.
Now by means of a long and painful journey I’ve come to know, that that’s not true.
And it started on 9/11, though I had no idea then where I was going.

I remember that day clearly, as if it was yesterday.
On that very day my husband was to fly to America for the very first time in his life. He was to help a friend over there.
It was afternoon already here in Iceland. The kids were already home from school. I was home because I had been working night-shift. We turned on the TV to look at the video text. That’s where they show the flight scedules and if a plane is late or not. Everything seemed fine there, no delays, no cancelations.

Then we changed to a satellite channel to watch a game-show or cartoons for the kids. But there was neither. Instead there was an emergency news report, headed with bolt letters: America under Attack
The first tower had collapsed already and we saw the re-play of that event once, twice, three times. We were told that at least three airplanes had been hijacked, two had been jammed into the WTC towers……

And then we saw the second tower fall.
I heard my kids screaming: “It’s the other building, it’s the other building”, and I kept saying: “No, no, no it’s the first one, it’s just a replay.” But it wasn’t.
By now my husband had to leave to catch his plane. I told him, I think, that it would be better not to go and that they would probably cancel the flights anyway. But he is not the person who would give up his plans, because of something like a little hijacking threat.
So he left, and me and the kids stayed home. All of us transfixed in front of the TV. And then we heard about the Pentagon hit. And me, I was like paralyzed.
All I could think was: “America has been attacked, the Pentagon hit……. This means World War III, the end of the world, the end of the world.” I don’t think I said it out loud or maybe I did, murmuring like a crazy woman. But I do remember the kids were scared.
My youngest son, 10 years old at the time, went to the phone calling his Dad, telling him that another plane had been kidnapped and crashed.
He didn’t say it, but I know what he meant with this call: “Daddy come home, please Daddy come home. Don’t go any further.”
After a few hours my husband did come home eventually. Of course, all flights to the US had been cancelled.
He found me in a kind of daze, staring blankly at the TV,  and the children in fearful excitement.
I had been incapable of saying anything, anything to calm them or tell them that it would be alright, because at that day, in those hours I did not believe that anything would be alright again…. ever
This was the end of the world……

But it was only the beginning of a new world, at least inside my mind, an opening that would allow something to push through…..knowledge, knowledge of truth unseen before…
But still not quite yet.
The next few weeks we watched the news more closely. Especially my youngest son did so. For weeks we found him every morning  in the living-room in front of the TV. He had gotten up in the middle of the night and turned it on, not to watch cartoons or anything else kids his age normally watched, but instead he had turned on a 24 hours news channel to watch the news, only the news, day after day, after day.

When we heard that Afghanistan would be attacked we relaxed…It would be alright, this wasn’t going to be WWIII, just some obscure place in the middle of Asia…a few bombs on the binLaden guy and on his caves and all would be over. It would be alright, it would be alright and we were going to be safe….

But this wasn’t what happened, and Afghanistan was only the beginning. And what I had seen with my own eyes, the falling sky-scrapers in a cloud of dust were only a smoke-screen to something far, far worse.
How I found out about that, I’ll tell you next time….

2 thoughts on “It started with 9/11

  1. Wow… Your post has me crying again as I remember that horrible day in our country’s history. The feeling that we were no longer safe here. The feeling of devastation that gripped every heart. In one second. Hearts were broken across the world as we cried for our country and every victim of these horrific crimes… May God bless you and your family.

  2. Thank you for your kind words. You do realize though that I do no longer believe in the official story of who committed the crimes of 9/11. And believe me coming to this realization was very, very painful for me.
    May God bless you and your family,too and help you to fully recover from the sufferings in your life, as God is still helping me every day to come to grips with both my own past and the very imperfect world I live in.

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